The Empty Inbox

Every one of us has something that makes us feel good, competent, ahead of the game - for me, it's having an empty inbox. I suspect this satisfaction is because of the way my mind works.


I leave things in my inbox that have to be dealt with, deleting them only when I've solved the problem, answered the question, done what I need to do. Then I delete the email.


Recently, I've had as many as 25 hangovers (it's what I call those emails I've read and haven't responded to or deleted) in my inbox on an ongoing basis and it's been DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!


Today, though, today I've finally worked my way through the last couple of emails in my inbox and my inbox is empty and I'm delighted. Sort of. I guess it's kind of like getting home from a weekend away and not having a single message on your voicemail. It feels as if no one loves you, no one cares that you've been gone, no one has missed you.


So there's a big contradiction with the empty inbox in my heart of hearts. I love having an empty inbox - but I only want to have it for a few minutes. Because if it's empty for too long, it means no one loves me. I know, I know, it doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have to, does it? Not really. Because it's all about feelings and often, maybe even mostly, they don't make sense.


So I'm going to enjoy the empty inbox but I'm checking every few minutes to see whether someone, anyone, has sent me an email that I can read, deal with and delete. There's the perfect empty inbox, one that stays that way for a short period of time, just until the next person I want to hear from emails me.


Kate